S Giles-in-Reading · The Ministry of Reconciliation
How ConfessionCan Set You Free
Most who might come to confession never do, and the reason is nearly always the same. Not hardness of heart, but simply not knowing how it works — and a quiet dread of doing it wrongly. They picture a dark box, an interrogation, the cold eye of a stranger weighing them up. Set all of that aside. Confession in the English Church is a gentle thing, and once you have seen how simple it is, most of the fear falls away on its own.
Our Church has kept a particular wisdom about this sacrament, folded into an old and merciful saying: all may, some should, no one must. All may — it stands open to every soul, and no ticket of worthiness is required at the door. Some should — for anyone carrying a weight the private prayer of the heart has not been able to lift, it is a kindness meant precisely for them. No one must — the obligation is laid on no one. It waits for you like an open door in a wall you pass every day: never demanding that you enter, only that, should you wish to, you may.
This is no novelty, but the ancient practice of the whole Church, kept unbroken among us. To confess our sins to a priest, and to hear God's own forgiveness spoken back to us in reply, is a mercy the Church has offered her children in every age. What is loosed on earth is loosed in heaven; and here, at the prayer desk, that loosing is made plain to you in words you can hear.
You may fairly ask why one cannot simply tell God alone, in the silence of one's own room. Of course you can, and should, every day. But we are not pure spirits; we are creatures who believe with our ears as much as our hearts, steadied by a thing said aloud. To kneel and hear a living voice declare, in Christ's own authority, I absolve you, is to be told past all argument what the anxious heart can never quite tell itself: that it is done, that you are forgiven, that you may stop carrying it. The words are not the priest's opinion of you. They are God's verdict, spoken where you can hear it.
And it is entirely safe. The priest is there not as your judge but as the bearer of your pardon. He has heard everything a human heart can hold, and been shocked by none of it. Whatever you say is sealed — heard by God alone, and never, on any account, repeated to a living soul. You may speak in perfect freedom.
Best of all, you need not know what to say. The order is set out on a card at the prayer desk, and the priest will walk you through it, line by line, so that the only thing you bring is your honesty. There is nothing to rehearse, no words to get right, and no way to fail at it.
First time making a private confession?
First of all, relax. Keep it simple. Take the Ten Commandments, or the Seven Deadly Sins, and quietly reflect on where you stand with each. You needn't go into detail unless you want to — for a first confession, a few minutes telling the priest the sins you struggle with most is all it takes. It grows easier with habit, and you'll soon feel far more at home with it. Don't put yourself under any pressure the first few times.